Mitch Hedberg Revisited

So I was catching up on some classic Hedberg. You know, since I was introduced to him I have both consciously and unconsciously altered my personality in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. He is a model for humour and delivery:
—————
“I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.”
– I never really liked this joke, but love how he delivers it…the pauses.
“I like refried beans. That’s why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they’re just as good and we’re just wasting time. You don’t have to fry them again after all.”
– I actually hadn’t seen that one before.
“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.”
– This is possibly one of his best jokes. Such a great animated visual it conjures. Such a lesson for me to learn.
“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. ”
– Only because I’m listening to so much Girl Talk these days.
“I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that…day.”
– no comment, too good.
“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later. ”
– Mitch is deeper than we realize.
“It’s very dangerous to wave to people you don’t know because what if they don’t have hands? They’ll think you’re cocky.”
– Love how he says ‘cocky’ on this one.
—————
And the usual Banana one, and Picketing…and Blanket Clothes. Oh man and Dry Clean Only. I could go on here. I just realized the site I apple-c-apple-v’d these from didn’t use enough ellipses to indicate his delivery, but maybe that is better because we already know where to pause.